3 posts tagged “lesbian”

Just read the spectacular news of the legalization of gay marriage in California ! WHOO HOO! This is so exciting and long overdue.

"It's about human dignity. It's about human rights. It's about time in California," San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, pumping his fist in the air, told a roaring crowd at City Hall. "As California goes, so goes the rest of the nation. It's inevitable. This door's wide open now. It's going to happen, whether you like it or not".

This evening while in therapy, the topic of sexuality/sexual preference emerged. This isn't what I had planned on discussing but the conversation evolved into it while we toyed with the idea of my possibly getting semi-involved in a community group of some sort. One reason is because I have some social apprehensions. I'm not particularly anti-social; however, I am not one who enjoys generic type social situations in which people cannot be free. By free, I mean authentic and unedited. Lets face it, most people spend a large portion of their lives (work, school) having to censor some part of themselves. When you are in the company of people that you can be free with, it's like nothing else.

Anyhow, we were discussing different groups (i.e., Sierra Club local groups or photography groups etc.) so that I can explore meeting new people and develop a bit more of a network socially. As I sat there I couldn't think of any group that even remotely sounded appealing to me except..as I blurted out..."a gay, lesbian, bisexual support group..I'd probably feel comfortable there". I do not like to label myself especially when it comes to sexual orientation. I am a lover of people. I am sexually attracted to both women and men. So yeah, I'm in the dual area. Bi. As my therapist and I continued to talk we analyzed the differences in the way I feel when I'm with a man verses when I'm with a woman. This was really profound, not that I haven't thought about it or for that matter, experienced it...but I haven't thought about it in depth since my last relationship with a woman which was over a year ago. There is an amazing difference in the way I feel with each gender. I remember thinking when I was with the aforementioned person (female).."I have NEVER felt like this. It's so amazingly beautiful, it feels perfect and natural for me..it's safe". I've had pleasurable sex and passionate sex with men. I have loved a couple of really special men and have felt their love in return but am not quite sure if what I felt with them was as profound.

So this is good. It's another layer to peel...uncovering the self beneath.

I bought this book a couple of years ago and read it:

Aimee & Jaguar

It's a true story based on the love affair of these two women. It is an excellent read, very moving and of course has a fairytale feeling to it....the 'pure' love that we all long for.

So, Tay, being the history guru that she is, sees my book and is interested because the story takes place during the WWII era. So she finds the movie on Amazon that is based on the book...which I did not know existed. So we bought it a couple weeks ago and today I finally watched it and I cried like a love sick puppy. It is so incredibly moving. There's an interview with one of the women (Lilly..aka Aimee) in the 'special features' section. She is 87 years old in the interview. She said something so simple, yet so poignant...how important it is for women to be who they feel they are, not what society is pushing...she spoke of marriages and how many are for the wrong reasons - she spoke of her experience. (She was married and had 4 children at the time she met Felice aka: Jaguar) She spoke of how she had been living this life with a husband etc., but that she didn't know fulfillment until she was with Felice, then her world opened and she 'felt so free'. To watch this lady speak of her love for this woman was so beautiful. That's the only word I can think of to describe it at this moment. I understand it because I've felt it. The movie brought back all of those images and words, memories and scars of my own experience. It reminded me of how we shut ourselves off if we want to. I hadn't thought of her much in the past several months, maybe year...but with this film, I was almost forced to remember...to feel. And I'm glad for that. 

Aimee & Jaguar DVD